29. 09. 2016
How to forgive yourself? American psychologist Fred Luskin has been studying this question for many years. He helps people who can’t live fully because of their guilt.
Every normal person experiences guilt at least once in his life. In these moments people are usually involved in soul-searching, they consider themselves paltry and not capable of doing anything. It is even useful to stay in this state for a short period of time. Especially if you are really guilty you need some time to analyze a situation and draw the appropriate conclusions. But there comes a moment when it is necessary to forgive yourself and move on. Sometimes it is very difficult to do. A person gets used to blame himself and can’t stop.
The main problem lies in the fact that you know everything about yourself. All your bad deeds and thoughts. Sometimes it seems to you if your relatives or friends knew all the truth about yourself they wouldn’t ever communicate with you. But you forget the fact that you don’t know everything about other people. Their deeds can be worse than yours.
Some people just like to feel guilt. In this way, they protect themselves from the condemnation of other people. These people think: “How can you punish me if I already do it myself?” This is a kind of the protective reaction.
Sometimes people try to cause a feeling of compassion for themselves. They show their struggles of the deeds they have done. According to the American scientist, this is a perverted form of repentance.
The guilt may have a negative influence on your health. If you are always in a depressed state you will feel bad. F. Luskin argues that guilt causes changes in the condition of your organism: the pulse quickens, the pressure rises, the metabolism is disturbed, the muscles tense and mental clarity is reduced.
Besides, every subsequent recollection of this misconduct provokes the re-occurrence of these symptoms.
The scientists have proved that people who can’t forgive themselves, often suffer from cardiovascular and mental diseases.
There are some moments when people feel guilt. But time passes and you should learn to forgive yourself.
Here is some advice of the American scientists for people who are in the impasse.
Think about what you have wrongly done. Why it has happened. Think big. Sometimes the real reason of the situation is deeper than you think. In some cases, you shouldn’t take all the blame upon yourself. Sometimes, not just you is blame for the situation.
It is necessary to get the support and help. They can give you the useful pieces of advice. You will realize that everybody can make mistakes. It will be easier for you to solve the problems.
Many stereotypes, rules of conduct are imposed to us in the childhood. And we perceive them as an absolute truth. But when a human becomes an adult, he has to decide himself what is right for him and what is wrong. It is not our point of view, but it is an opinion of other people. You have to understand what is important for you.
You are scrolling your offense in a mind, thinking about it for a week, month or year. Stop! It does not benefit anyone. As soon as the thought of a bad deed appears in your mind you must immediately switch yourself to something good.
Promise yourself that you will do everything to prevent the commission of such acts in the future. Treat the past events as necessary life lessons. The knowledge that you have learned from the situation will help you to get better in the future.
Do not focus only on your bad deeds. Praise yourself for the good things you do every day. And you’ll see that the good deeds will be much more.
Remember that you are a living person, not a robot. You can’t always follow the instructions and act only in accordance with the generally accepted rules.
If you hurt someone, you should apologize sincerely. Draw the conclusions. Live on and make your relatives happy.